Bila Cinta Tak Indah Bagimu

Aduhai indahnya bercinta, berbeda agama
Aduhai indahnya bercinta, ditolak mertua
Aduhai indahnya bercinta, cemburu selalu
Aduhai indahnya bercinta, bertengkar melulu

Aduhai indahnya bercinta, segitiga cintanya
Aduhai indahnya bercinta, miskin kekasihnya

Aduhai indahnya bercinta, manja kasihnya
Aduhai indahnya bercinta, playboy kekasihnya

Bila cinta tak indah bagimu
Mengapa kau tetap bertahan?
Bila cinta tak indah bagimu
Mengapa kau tetap bertahan?

The Panas Dalam - Bila Cinta Tak Indah Bagimu

The best feel good song after a break up. Pidi Baiq from The Panas Dalam is a genius.

Purgatory

My friend's friend in Sekolah Tinggi Seni Indonesia once said, "kuliah di sini murah, tapi ujiannya mahal". And last night we'd just watched that very sentence in action. It was the third time we watch a theater show in STSI. Just like usual, it wasn't a professional show, it was just an examination for those who are in the 5th semester of Theater Directorial Study (I just made that name up by the way, I don't know the exact name of the course, let alone the English version).

For outsiders, the examination looked very simple: He (it was an individual examination, only ONE person would get the score) must direct a drama and show it in front of people and the judger/lecturer/whatever.

For him, on the other hand, it meant 3-4 months spent in hell: First he must find the script which he wanted to direct (or he could "just" make one), then he must find the suitable actors (remember that only the director was being tested, the actors were doing it only to help him, voluntarily), he must find the make up artists, the lightning directors, the musicians, the costumes, the props, the foods, and he must bring the them all (including the voluntary actors) to practice almost everyday for at least 2 months. Aaaaaargggghhhh if I was him I would've just made a script with only one character in it, who is naked, and the drama will be completely played in the dark, with no music and a little bit of monolog. And maybe I'll put some badass firecrackers too to make the play a little bit more like an emotional rollercoaster.

By the way, let's get back to last night. So the drama was titled Purgatory (subtitle: Arwah-Arwah). The story was about... well, wait, I had no idea what the story was all about. I mean, the lightning was great, the music was awesomely creepy, the actors were good, the atmosphere was indeed feel like a purgatory (they all put a really good effort in this drama) BUT the dialog, Jesus Christ, I didn't understand what the actors were saying. They were using too much literature-kind of language, it was like going back to year 10 in high school and learning Bahasa Indonesia, the chapter about old literatures, all over again. This kind of language is, for me, almost as bad ad Al4y'5 laN6uaG3.

Sorry for the bad drama, I mean, bad photo, I don't have a decent camera

So I went out feeling kind of a little bit disappointed. Because for me, story is everything. If your dialogs were indecipherable then I'd just assume your story sucks. If your story sucks, you can make a movie with whatever special effect you want, but it will still end up in a trash can just like 2012 and Transformers.

Anyway, it was a great night nevertheless, because after watching that theater show, we went on to HDL Cilaki to eat some seafoods. And boy the fish there was huge. But we could only afford to buy 1 fish, a plate of squids, and a plate of cah kangkung (three dishes for the 9 of us) because this restaurant was freaking expensive(-_-;). It was enough for us though because could eat as much rice as we want and the girls only ate a little so the guys could eat more. And the best part is, one of my friends, let's just say, Parker, just got a new girlfriend. So he paid around 75% of our bill. Congratulation, Parker, I hope your new relationship will last till 75 years!

Btw some of us were acting all Barney-ish last night, which was hila.....wait for it......rious:)

Unemployed.

I'm gonna give myself a challenge. All these time I've been writing really,, really slowly. It takes me 1-2 hours to write a regular length post (sometimes it even takes up to 4 freaking hours). Now I'm gonna try to write this post in less than 15 minutes, because I'm in the mood of writing but I need to go to uni soon.

Alright because I haven't think about what I'm gonna write, I'm just gonna write stuff that comes to my mind along the way.

So I've got a class on 7, Artificial Intelligence. Funny, this subject. It used to be my favourite subject before I go to university (I'd always dreamed about learning how to make robots who can joke about your mom). But when I'm actually taking it, it seems duller than what I'd thought before. Well, imagination is always more colorful than reality.

At 9 I'll go to Politeknik Telkom to talk about the possibility of Kerja Praktek (internship? Im not sure if it's the correct English word for it). I really want to do it in another city, like, Jogja. But one of my mates prefer to do it in Bandung so, well, bro code #1b: Bro Before Self. We'll just see if we can get it here in Poltek, I hope we won't get it tho, I really want to go to Jogja.

I'm really looking forward to this internship thingy. Not that I really like working for someone. Really. Working is boring. I worked after I finished high school and before I started university. First, at a pastry factory for a month, and then in a hotel for another three months as a bellboy, and honestly, I don't think I can be in one job for more than 3 months. A thought always come to my mind in one of those boring days: "fuck it, let's just quit and find another job." I hope I can change this in my future life. I should stop getting bored and get a job A.S.A.P, or I better think of really good idea for a business, or else I'm just gonna commit suicide.

But it was MUCH better than sitting inside a classroom though. And the money was good. I got $11 an hour in that pastry factory, and $13 an hour to bring tourists' luggages. For about 6-8 hours a day. I don't know if I can get that much money working as a programmer here in Indonesia. But still, I'd prefer to be a slave right now than being an unemployed university student.

Anyway, yeah, I'm looking forward to this internship thingy, just for the fuck of it.

Ah, 6 am. Let's go to get some education.

I'm nowhere.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not an ababil. But I don't like to be on one side either. I know, I know, every debater in the world will say you must take a stance to everything or else you're gay. But I totally disagree with that.

The thing is, I don't see this world as black and white. Many people think if something's not black, then it must be white. Moreover, many people don't even realize that they're seeing the world as black and white.

Let's take an example. Erm,, I suck at thinking about examples so let's just take a random thing that comes into my mind aaaaaannnnd GOD. Let's take God for example. Most people on earth believe that God exists. And most genius scientists believe that there's no such thing called God. The atheists say the believers are stupid because they believe in something that cannot be proven true. The believers, in turn, argue that the atheists are idiots because they DON'T believe in something that cannot be proven FALSE. Both sides stand firmly with their own belief, so firm that cyber wars between believers and atheists are still going on right now.

Me? For me, something that cannot be proven true nor false is not something that we should be worry about. Sure, the existence of God (or not) is very important to.. wait, how is that important? No it's not. Our mind as human beings are very limited at the moment. So why be arrogant and say god exists (or doesn't) if you cannot prove it? I'll just be humble and say "I don't know".

Okay, this is heavy. Let's talk about something less godly. What's less godly than god, how about......marriage. Right. In case you don't know, there's been an increasing number of people who oppose marriage lately. They argue that marriage is stupid. It's like walking in to a prison. Life is an adventure, don't limit yourself with an old age tradition called marriage. And the sex. Let's be honest, copulating--wait, let's keep it simple--fucking with the same person for 20 years, is pretty boring. And I agree with them, well, most of them. I do think every relationship has an expiration date.

But then, what the fuck would you do in your life if you don't get married? Sure, traveling around the world with only your backpack could be fun, but what would you do when you get home? Come into your house, walk into your room, take a bath, and sleep on your bed, alone, for the rest of your life?

And how about when you get old? Would you live alone in a little house on a mountain of far far away until you die sitting on your rocking chair? No. I feel much better when there's someone waiting for me at home. So that I can hug someone I love while I'm sleeping, instead of a bantal guling. And I wanna die while hugging someone. Oh how I love hugging. And what about sex? Well, swinger clubs, baby. Seriously, if I can find a girl with a matching personality, I'm sure I can make it beyond the expiration date. We'll go around the world together, raising up children together, having sex with other couples together, and be adventurous together. Sounds too ideal? It is. Because...

The type of girls that I like don't exist. Or maybe they do, I just haven't met any. Problem is, I like independent-yet-submissive-intelligent-fun-loyal-knows-how-to-dress-fashionably-in-public-loves-to-talk-yet-a-good-listener-kinky-yet-not-a-bitch kind of girls. I know what you're thinking. But I'm betting all my love life that out of 3 billion girls in the world, some will fit my preferences.

Let's back to the topic. Another example is music. Many normal people out there like to listen to mainstream music. Peterpan, D'Bagindas, D'Masiv, ST12, Maroon Five, you name it. The "cool" people will say those normal people as "shallow". These "cool" people like to listen to music not too many people know exist, like, Sigur Ros, Efek Rumah Kaca, 65 Days of Static, Mars Volta, etc.

I'm also picky at choosing music I listen to. But I don't choose them based on their mainstream-ness level. I like some and I hate some and that's all. I don't care if it's a trash metal or rap or pretentious-pop-rock or whiney love song, if I like it, I like it. That's why my playlist is filled with various artists from Rage Against The Machine to Kangen Band.

picture unrelated

Another simpler example is smoking. I don't know how many times I told smoke-haters out there that smoking is awesome. It's a great stress reliever. No, it's not just a placebo. It does work. Scientifically proven. And it's a good ice breaker too. Yes it increases the probability of getting some types of cancer, but please note when I say "probability", it means no matter how much you smoke, you don't always get cancer. And if you do? big deal. Most Indonesians (that's us) eat too much carbohydrate anyway, if we don't get cancer, we'll get diabetes.

But I also pity those who give their life to an uncontrollable smoking habit. Not that I care about their personal life, no. It's just that.... why smoke a pack of cigarettes a day man? That's just not cool.

I'm running out of example. And, as always, I suck at writing. There's no structure at all, right? Well guess what, I found another example: I suck at writing, but I love writing.

Oh, and I think I'm bi-curious too.

There you go. How I'm stuck in the middle of almost everything. This is why I don't feel like I belong to anywhere. Oh, not even the middle, because sometimes I take a side too. And I change sides. Still, this is not ababil, this is just my way of life, a way to survive the world, or maybe not, coz once in a while I think about suicide too.

I guess I'm just a believer of nothing, and everything, and things in between.

Yes.

Because every generalization is wrong.

Moko, Karaoke, Break Up, Cigarettes, and Alcohols.

I have not written any journal in the past.. 700 days. Or more. And I don't know, a can of beer made me wanna write one now. I feel awkward tho, I.. I haven't written anything beside Facebook statuses, tweets, smses, and UTS answers since... weeks ago. Anyway,

My friends and I went to Cafe Moko, or also known as Warung Daweung, earlier tonight. I prefer to call it Warung What-The-Fuck-Man-Why-Did-You-Build-A-Cafe-At-Nowhere? because it's located ridiculously high from the sea level, I mean, sooooo high. Seriously, it's like the only warung in Bandung where you can see clouds below you.

There were 13 of us. We rode motorbikes because using a car to get there is a sure way to fuck its engine. The roads were so steep we had to use the lowest gear most of the time, and that's nothing, because just before we arrived at the warung, the road became super rough (no matter what you hometown is, it would be the roughest road you'd ever seen) and did I say steep? so, the mbonceng person (I don't know the english of bonceng and I don't want to think about it at the moment) must get off from the motorcycle, and us the rider must use our two feet to support our bike.

So, we arrived there and ordered some foods. Most of us ordered Kezo Goreng. Yes you read that right. Kezo Goreng. Kezo was derived from the word kejo, which is a Sundanese word that means rice. I know right? Alay's everywhere.

We ordered some warm chocolate too. Which was kinda necessary at that time because it was freezing up there.

The foods weren't that bad, but the chocolate drink was just Susu Kental Manis Coklat I guess, which I didn't like so much because it's 80% percent sugar. Yes it is.

After that, we went outside to see the view of Bandung and "my god it was so amazing! Those lights!!! You can see the entire city!! And it's better than Bukit Bintang because this place is so much higher so you got a much wider view of the city! It's like the view of Bandung, live, in super duper ultra High Definition!" was my first reaction when I see the entire Bandung spread over my puny eyes (I didn's say it out loud of course), but after a few minutes I got bored because I realized this city doesn't have the eiffel tower, the liberty statue, nor any remarkable building. And it's freezing too.

So we decided to call it a trip and went back down to civilizations. Toward the NAV Karaoke, which was fully booked when we arrived there. They would have a vacant room at 12 am, so we waited.

FYI, 4 of us were females. One of them was sick (I mean she got flu, not, like, psycho). Coincidently, in our waiting time, her boyfriend was buying susu murni in Buah Batu. She somehow met him and decided to go home early with him. So there were 12 of us remaining.

One of the other girls followed. She went home with her bf (but this time it wasn't a coincidence. She called her bf to come and pick her home). And then there were 11.

My other two female friends were kinda annoyed by that. And decided to go home too. Leaving us guys chickless. And then there were 9.

I asked my friends (which were all guys now) if they'd been to a karaoke without any female friends, and I was pretty surprised that all of them answered NO., I mean, what the fuck? This is incongruous (okay, I shouldn't have used a big word. Let's keep this blog simple. Let's keep this blog really simple) This is absurd! None of these guys have ever been to a karaoke without at least one girl. This is so wrong. I can't describe the reason why this is wrong right now because like I said before, I just can't be arsed tonight. But this is so wrong.

So we did it anyway. One hour of karaoke without any chick. My friends had just lost their all-dudes-karaoke virginity. It felt good right? It fucking did. Because without any chick around, none of us had to pretend anything. We could sing any motherfucking songs we wanted, with our own honest singing style, using our own honest voice, with a pure intention of screaming it aloud, without trying to impress any chick. Fuck yeah. But that didn't change the fact that I can't sing, though.

And then we went home, to our respective... er,, home. It was 1.30 am. I rode alone across the city. I stopped at an Alfamart, bought a can of beer, and went straight home. I drank the beer. It was 3.00 am. And I wrote this post.

AND OH MAN THIS POST REALLY SUCKS. I just realized that I really really suck at making narrations. I don't have the ability to make a good description of anything. And how I can't be arsed to fix it tonight. Too tired. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Ah I'm just gonna post it and whatever.

And life's good, by the way. I just broke up with my gf a week ago but life's good. Or maybe not. I don't know. I'm not sure if it's really good or I'm just trying to hide the fact that I'm a wreck right now. Well. Maybe. I really don't know. I drink alcohol much this week, so probably I'm not okay. And I've been smoking again since UTS. So ok I'm pretty much fucked up right now. But on the up side: I think I'm not sad, I go out more, and I'm actually looking forward to my future life, which basically means, money.

So life's good. Well I hope it is. Ah. Whatever. Let's sleep.