Goodbye Botsu

Boring. My job as a programmer has been keeping me away from my creativity. Not that I was really creative, but at least I was able to pretend to myself that I was a creative person back then, something that I can't even do anymore today.

Anyway, I have to close this blog. There's nothing to do here. I can't write in an indefinite amount of time. I can only wish that someday I will be able to write again, maybe later, when I don't have any fucking routine at all, and probably in Bahasa Indonesia, because my English is getting so fucking bad right now. 

I want to personally apologize to all the people who went astray to this blog. Search engine can be pretty fucked up sometimes. No, I don't have an explanation for Angka 18. Or Korea Gay Porn. Or the video of Ariel and Luna Maya. Or film monica belucci diperkosa. Or even a good review of sigur ros.

or whatever this shit is supposed to mean

I might write later, in another, less random, theme-guided blog. Later.

So, I guess this is it, Botsu. You've been my inspiration for years. You've literally changed they way I see the world. And I thank your for that, eternally.

Goodbye Botsu.

Survival

If my life in the second half of 2012 is converted into a [low-budget] film, then it must have just come into the Second Act right now.

Turned out that my mood hasn't changed much since my last post, so it mustn't have been caused by hunger. Though it COULD have been caused by the month Ramadhan in one way or another. Like, for example, my sleep pattern has been fucked up for a week now, I don't regularly have lunch, and most people I know are fasting and it change the way they act. Ok I'm sorry, I know it's not ethical to bash other people's way of pleasing their god, so I'll stop talking about fasting now.

I just have no idea what to write in this post, but I feel like I have to write something just because. So I'll start bubbling about random stuff, like, er, what, London Olympics.

What? Who cares about a world event that is not World Cup? I don't know, the British maybe. We all know that The Olympics has always been about bragging of the host country rather than about the sporting event itself. That. And the amazing multi million dollars opening ceremony. And the amazing multi million dollars closing ceremony. The matches in between are just fillers. But still, the British really care, or else they wouldn't set up these crazy shits to hold an event that's probably not even half as interesting as the newest Batman movie.

The point is, I don't really care about The Olympics. The only reason I even heard about it is because Muse, my favorite band, made the official Olympics 2012 theme song (Survival), which is a weird selection for a  theme song because it's not catchy at all. So I'll stop talking about The Olympics.

It's obvious I'm not in the mood to write isn't it? -_-

Well, no I'm not in the mood. I hope I'll survive this and make it through to Act III.

Lapar

Ketika sebuah hal baru perlahan berubah wujud menjadi rutinitas, rasa gembira yang tadinya selalu menyetubuhiku 24/7 pun mulai mengenakan pakaiannya dan melangkah pergi, meninggalkanku sendirian, masih telanjang, di sebuah kota asing yang penuh dengan suara bising. Penat.

Itu.

Atau mungkin rasa penat ini hanya sekadar efek samping dari kelaparan karena perut tidak diberikan haknya sejak suara sirine mengaung-ngaung beberapa menit sebelum adzan subuh tadi pagi. Sangat luar biasa bagaimana sebuah organ tubuh dapat merubah mood organisme pemiliknya.

Tapi, tadi ada yang bertanya, untuk apa aku ikut puasa? Aku juga bingung menjawabnya. Yang jelas rukun islam kesatu, kedua, dan ketiga tidak aku penuhi lagi. Lalu kenapa melakukan yang keempat?

Entahlah. Mungkin karena kebiasaan. Atau karena aku tidak tau harus bilang apa ke ibu kostan yang menawarkan akan membuatkan makanan untuk sahur dan buka. Atau mungkin karena aku malas tiap hari harus pergi ke warteg yang, entah karena menghormati orang puasa atau karena takut digerebek FPI, menutup seluruh jendela warungnya dengan kain terpal.

Yang lebih bikin bingung lagi, entah kenapa sebagian orang yang puasa merasa ingin dihormati. Seingatku dulu, waktu aku masih SD kelas 1 atau 2, aku dan teman-teman pernah menonton orang gila yang sedang makan di siang bolong pada bulan Ramadhan. Kami sendiri sedang puasa waktu itu, dan kami sama sekali tidak merasa iri dengan orang gila yang memakan entah apa itu namanya dengan lahap.

Yah, tapi itu cuma satu kejadian. Dan yang kami lihat adalah orang gila. Dan kami masih kecil. Seperti dalam konteks apapun di dunia, anak kecil itu ga usah dianggap. Hatinya masih terlalu bersih, belum merasakan dunia yang sebenarnya.

So, seperti postinganku lainnya (dan seperti ending dari Monty Python - The Holy Grail), postingan ini tidak memiliki konklusi apa-apa. Dan akupun tak mengerti kenapa sekarang kata ganti orang pertama-nya menggunakan 'aku'. Anyway, selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Those of you who are hipsters but are open minded enough to tolerate religion or to listen to cheesy music or watch 70's comedy films might know the reference to Monty Python in the title of this post. Actually the stuff about tolerating religion and listening to cheesy music have nothing to do with anything at all, I only said it because I did not tolerate those self righteous jerks who think they are the coolest people in the world by hating religion and/or cheesy music. Which by the way made me realize that hating those jerks have made me even a bigger jerk.

But anyway, yeah, being a hipster is so last year. For me anyway. I've come to terms with the fact that being "logical" and "philosophical" is only half of the recipe to be happy, with the other half being 'ignorance' and 'fuck it'. And I feel obliged to tell you that I, now, feel very happy about life. I re-read this paragraph and I know it might not make sense, but it works for me somehow.

Anyway, my life hasn't changed much since my last post. I'm still addicted to the digital world (without computer and/or internet and/or mobile phone I don't really know what to do in this life), I'm still addicted to nicotine, I still have not finished my degree, I still don't have any facial hair, I'm still not married, and no, I still wouldn't "come back" to the religion I was born with, even though my parents really wish I would.

The things that have changed? Well, I have a job now. So at least I don't have to beg for money from my parents anymore. And I'm single now, which is what I had always wanted every time I had a fight with my past girlfriends. On one hand I feel great because I now can steer my life to whichever direction I want, and the only thing that stops me from going around the world is.. money! Which I'm currently making, little by little, by whatever means. On the other hand, I feel underwhelmed by this single status. Maybe I'm just not prepared. Before this I've always have my heart rested to someone. Be it my parents (when I was a kid), or to any girl I've ever had relationships with, which is only a handful, minus one finger. But every single one of them had been meaningful to me.

So, "a handful, minus one finger", your bored brain tried to process the information. "Ah, you meant four!", an imaginative light bulb came right beside your sweaty head. "The fifth one, could it be the ring finger?" you then asked. And my answer is I don't know, I can't see it from where I lay down right now. But who cares? It could be just the middle finger for fuck sake. I still have one more hand anyway.

*slap* back to what I was gonna talk about. Where was I? Oh, the things that had changed. Right. I've been living in Jakarta for exactly one month now. I remember my first experience coming to this city was more than 20 years ago, when I was still a toddler (oh yes I remember). I might have a bad short term memory, but the bad smell of Ancol was unforgettable, it's as if God himself had eaten every egg in the universe and farted directly onto the northern part of Jakarta. Thank God I live in South Jakarta, which doesn't smell as bad. On an unrelated note, it is the only area in Jakarta where Jokowi is lost to Foke, so that must mean that the majority of people in my area are either stupid or racist (or the smart ones are too apathetic or too busy to participate in the election).

Wait, just because I always talk about Jokowi lately, doesn't mean I go into politic. It's just.. I'm gonna live in this city for a while, and I fucking despise its current condition. I would like to see some changes, and I believe this guy can bring those changes. And even if some cynical people think this city cannot be saved anymore, I hope they realize that the smallest changes could create tiny grains of hope that would eventually roll and roll into a huge snowball. At the very last, this guy is awesome, unlike that other guy who doesn't even know what a middle finger means. I'm sorry for the black campaign, that other guy is just so stupid it feels like a crime not to black campaign him.

Gah! See, one more thing that hasn't changed at all: I don't have the ability write with coherency, well, except when I write in programming language, but that's useless for a blog post, so, yeah, fuck my life, I mean, fuck my blog, my life is awesome, thank you very much.