Monday, April 11, 2011

I'm nowhere.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not an ababil. But I don't like to be on one side either. I know, I know, every debater in the world will say you must take a stance to everything or else you're gay. But I totally disagree with that.

The thing is, I don't see this world as black and white. Many people think if something's not black, then it must be white. Moreover, many people don't even realize that they're seeing the world as black and white.

Let's take an example. Erm,, I suck at thinking about examples so let's just take a random thing that comes into my mind aaaaaannnnd GOD. Let's take God for example. Most people on earth believe that God exists. And most genius scientists believe that there's no such thing called God. The atheists say the believers are stupid because they believe in something that cannot be proven true. The believers, in turn, argue that the atheists are idiots because they DON'T believe in something that cannot be proven FALSE. Both sides stand firmly with their own belief, so firm that cyber wars between believers and atheists are still going on right now.

Me? For me, something that cannot be proven true nor false is not something that we should be worry about. Sure, the existence of God (or not) is very important to.. wait, how is that important? No it's not. Our mind as human beings are very limited at the moment. So why be arrogant and say god exists (or doesn't) if you cannot prove it? I'll just be humble and say "I don't know".

Okay, this is heavy. Let's talk about something less godly. What's less godly than god, how about......marriage. Right. In case you don't know, there's been an increasing number of people who oppose marriage lately. They argue that marriage is stupid. It's like walking in to a prison. Life is an adventure, don't limit yourself with an old age tradition called marriage. And the sex. Let's be honest, copulating--wait, let's keep it simple--fucking with the same person for 20 years, is pretty boring. And I agree with them, well, most of them. I do think every relationship has an expiration date.

But then, what the fuck would you do in your life if you don't get married? Sure, traveling around the world with only your backpack could be fun, but what would you do when you get home? Come into your house, walk into your room, take a bath, and sleep on your bed, alone, for the rest of your life?

And how about when you get old? Would you live alone in a little house on a mountain of far far away until you die sitting on your rocking chair? No. I feel much better when there's someone waiting for me at home. So that I can hug someone I love while I'm sleeping, instead of a bantal guling. And I wanna die while hugging someone. Oh how I love hugging. And what about sex? Well, swinger clubs, baby. Seriously, if I can find a girl with a matching personality, I'm sure I can make it beyond the expiration date. We'll go around the world together, raising up children together, having sex with other couples together, and be adventurous together. Sounds too ideal? It is. Because...

The type of girls that I like don't exist. Or maybe they do, I just haven't met any. Problem is, I like independent-yet-submissive-intelligent-fun-loyal-knows-how-to-dress-fashionably-in-public-yet-not-an-attention-seeker-loves-to-talk-yet-a-good-listener-kinky-yet-not-a-bitch kind of girls. I know what you're thinking. But I'm betting all my love life that out of 3 billion girls in the world, some will fit my preferences.

Let's back to the topic. Another example is music. Many normal people out there like to listen to mainstream music. Peterpan, D'Bagindas, D'Masiv, ST12, Maroon Five, you name it. The "cool" people will say those normal people as "shallow". These "cool" people like to listen to music not too many people know exist, like, Sigur Ros, Efek Rumah Kaca, 65 Days of Static, Mars Volta, etc.

I'm also picky at choosing music I listen to. But I don't choose them based on their mainstream-ness level. I like some and I hate some and that's all. I don't care if it's a trash metal or rap or pretentious-pop-rock or whiney love song, if I like it, I like it. That's why my playlist is filled with various artists from Rage Against The Machine to Kangen Band.

picture unrelated

Another simpler example is smoking. I don't know how many times I told smoke-haters out there that smoking is awesome. It's a great stress reliever. No, it's not just a placebo. It does work. Scientifically proven. And it's a good ice breaker too. Yes it increases the probability of getting some types of cancer, but please note when I say "probability", it means no matter how much you smoke, you don't always get cancer. And if you do? big deal. Most Indonesians (that's us) eat too much carbohydrate anyway, if we don't get cancer, we'll get diabetes.

But I also pity those who give their life to an uncontrollable smoking habit. Not that I care about their personal life, no. It's just that.... why smoke a pack of cigarettes a day man? That's just not cool.

I'm running out of example. And, as always, I suck at writing. There's no structure at all, right? Well guess what, I found another example: I suck at writing, but I love writing.

Oh, and I think I'm bi-curious too.

There you go. How I'm stuck in the middle of almost everything. This is why I don't feel like I belong to anywhere. Oh, not even the middle, because sometimes I take a side too. And I change sides. Still, this is not ababil, this is just my way of life, a way to survive the world, or maybe not, coz once in a while I think about suicide too.

I guess I'm just a believer of nothing, and everything, and things in between.


Because every generalization is wrong.


  1. for me if it isnt white then it's black

  2. semoga mendapat hidayah Allah dan masih berharap takdir baik untuk-mu.